craving for more & more

more & more to go through - vol. 29

soundtrack to this newsletter
A song (or two) that matches the mood of this piece - listen while reading or after, when the words are still sinking in.

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This one has been sitting here for about a month, but I guess I'm ready now for another season of new releases.

There’s this thing I do every now and then where I get lost in the fear that I’m not ambitious enough. Like, am I pushing myself enough? Should I want more?

We've built this myth around ambition. We talk about it like it’s a universal consensus, but not everyone feels it the same way. “More” can have different meanings for different people. It can be more success, more money, more status. But while some seem always to want more, others “just” want a stable and good life. What if wanting enough is just as valid as wanting more? And yet, the world tends to treat the second group like they’re doing it wrong. In “How to Do Nothing” by Jenny Odell, there is a passage where she talks about resisting the pressure to optimise every moment of life, to always be striving for the next thing. It's a radical idea in a world that tells us that contentment is complacency.

And then there's the whole comparison part of it. Every scroll (especially on LinkedIn) is a reminder that someone out there is working harder, achieving faster, going further, or getting promoted. It’s easy to start questioning whether your own version of ambition counts at all. Like, what if we're so focused on chasing the next thing that we don't even acknowledge and enjoy what we've already built?

"too much joy, I swear, is lost in our desperation to keep it"

The exhaustion of always reaching, of always wondering if you missed your moment, is real. I feel that maybe we're cursed to believe that the default mode of life is to constantly want, to constantly chase something external to prove that we are enough. But maybe ambition doesn’t have to look like a 5 AM grind set. Maybe it can be subtle and personal. Maybe it’s less about chasing a linear trajectory and more about figuring out what actually matters to you - and going after that without the pressure to make it look outstanding and extraordinary.

And sure, maybe ambition is a good thing. Maybe it keeps us from getting stuck. But maybe we need to redefine what it actually means. I don’t think I’m scared of not being ambitious. I think I’m scared of looking back and realising I spent too much time wanting what I thought I should want instead of what I actually do. A lot of maybes, but after all, what's the point of ambition if it only leaves you exhausted? Maybe the real deal is knowing when to want enough.

my warmest thanks,

bea 💌